Interview about my life with Crohn’s… (unfortunatelly only in czech language)
26/05/2020
Ordinary girl…
2
03/03/2018
I’m just an ordinary girl, yet my friend’ girlfriends don’t like me… they consider me as “a threat”. Why is that so?
I keep telling myself it’s my fault. I must have given them some sort of pretence. Maybe I’ve done something. Maybe they don’t find me attractive or on the contrary, they find me attractive enough to feel threatened by me. So, what is it really?
After a lot of thinking I came to conclusion that these women don’t trust their partners. Is it even possible? Not to trust my partner? Maybe it’s not like this, maybe just women don’t believe in themselves. The same goes for jealous men.
In this insta(nt) age, what i call it like, being jealous is totally usual. Sometimes I catch myself not knowing what to believe. Here pops up something on facebook, there something on instagram. Photos, posts, stories… Partner tells you he’s doing one thing and then you find out he was doing something else! It can piss you off, right? Even if it seems unbelievale, I get you people. Older I am, I understand people more and more. Sometimes it bothers me how understandable I am! 🙂 I look at things from different angle. Not only how I see the things or the situation, but how other people can see it. I’m writing this article because I want to show how ordinary I am. I’m not a threat. I’m just a loving person, who genuinely cares about his friends. So when I want to see my not single friend, it’s not because I want to steal him (or worse – fuck him!). I just want to know how he’s doing. Before my friends‘ girlfriends showed up, it had been me who had been listening to my friends‘: outbursts, embarrassing fuck ups, joys, worries, dreams. I went through a lot with some of them, though not with every single one. One way or the other, they are significant part of my memories and I’m very grateful for them. I don’t want and I don’t intend to throw it all away or forget it when my friend tells me that you are jealous and he can‘t talk to me anymore – or worse, does that on his own, yet because of you…
Ladies, please understand. Now you are the One and Only. Godess, who is being loved by her man, who has freely chosen to love her. Sometimes so much that all his friends – including my little self – are put aside. I totally understand, I don’t think, it’s fair to exchange all friends for a partner. Before the partner appeared, it had been particulary these friends who had been standing by his side for all this time. Ride or die. Think about it. How is your partner’ female friend, who are you so jealous of, feeling? When it comes to it, I should be jealous of you! 🙂 You know why? You have the privilege to be (sometimes 24 hours a day) with somebody, who i think is a wonderful person. I choose my friends after all these life battles very carefully, therefore when I’m your partner’s friend, and you are jealous, know this: he is worth it!
In the end, it is important for me to rebond with my friend (not only once a year) and find out how he is doing. How his plans are going, if he‘s happy, if everything is going well. The most important thing for me is to see it for myself in real, not with a filter on his instagram story… Just in case it isn’t possible, he doesn’t want to see me or he moved on… then I wish for him to be happy. What else matters? 🙂
Ladies, I’m serious… I’m just an ordinary girl and I don’t think I’m more than anybody else. I don’t think I can beat you. I don’t think I’m prettier, funnier or more sexy. I don’t think I have better memories with your partner than you do. I don’t think I have the power to steal him from you. Not at all I think I can replace YOU.
Believe in yourself! Your partner is with you because he wants to. No need for jealousy or insecurity. There is nothing more sexy than a confident woman (not afraid to smile)! Thruthful friends approved.
No one is ever going to be like you. We all are irreplaceable originals. Remember that. 💕
If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy. … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. – Bob Marley
Again, there's a little girl…
19/12/2017
There’s a little girl again. This time she was a princess, she went to the wedding with her good friend. Adult friend. She always used to get on with adults. She used to chat with them about interesting things. Adult things. The children things were no fun for her, except tree climbing, cooking from mud, playing a doctor.
Because she had to be strong whils fighting the disease, she partly lost the child side of her childhood. It doesn’t matter though. Losing the childish light heart to soon, she‘s returning to it now in her adulthood. She is able to get excited from her heart about small things. She knows it and she‘s happy for it. She appriciates it more and more. She keeps finding beauty in everyday life. She travels like a little mouse, enjoying invisibility with her favourite songs in her ears. She secretly explores people around her – small, big, young, old, famous, ordinary, esoteric ones. They are only people but still so fascinating. She looks at their wrinkles, smiles, eyes, attitudes. She guesses what they’ve been through in their lives. Each one of them has its own (perhaps bitter-sweet) story. We can’t know. That is why it is important to be kind to strangers. Smile at them. Maybe they‘ll smile back at you. 
Article on facebook here: Again, there’s a little girl…
There was one little girl…
09/12/2017
There was one girl who had her own world. Everything seemed black and white, because all she felt was just a pain. She kept asking herself when is it finally going to finish. The end wasn’t coming although she wished for it countless times, completely exhausted. She kept fighting. She wasn’t giving up. Not for herself, but for others. She didn’t want them to be hurt. She wanted them not to be afraid and not to weep. She was fighting with teddybear by her side every day for several years. She didn’t understand why it was happening, why she had to be sick. Some children were rude to her. They spat on her hair. They gave her ugly nicknames only because she was different, sick. The smallest in the class. She was always out of school. Such a black sheep – scared, silent, no fun. Nobody knew what was going on in her head. When she wanted to make someone happy, she was blamed for buying their friendship. That was the saddest thing for her. She only wanted friends. She wanted to fit in. She wanted to be loved.
The children did not realize the consequences of their words and actions. One could say they’re just kids. Well, kids can be very mean, even though they were not born like this.
Now the girl has grown up. She’s only 160 centimeters tall, her teddybear is somewhere deep in her old room cupboard and she‘s glad to have survived all of it. Now she knows why it happened. Because it’s life. Life journey. It has made her the person she is now. She’s looking back at it differently now, gratefully. She found out who the true friends are and there isn’t a lot of them. Beautiful, humble, good soul is hard to be found, for example, one of the real friends is the guy who took this picture. 
Thank you, buddy. 
I’ll never forget. 
Article on facebook here: There was one little girl…
I wish…
04/12/2017
It’s 17:57 and this time tomorrow I’m going to be a year older… I’m telling myself that I should come with a new article, so I don’t fall into oblivion. Haha. I haven’t been writing for a long time, as it was impossible while moving far away, settling in a new job and with the upcoming winter. Yeah, Crohnie in new environment and especially in the winter. I don’t know how about you, but winter is my hardest period of the year. My body has no power without the sun, my mind is a bit lost during grey days. The only thing that helps me is my favourite music, but it must be positive, otherwise my thoughts slip away and afterwards I’m blue. I’m losing myself in my old memories again and again… I’m finally writing and this time it’s a birthday wish. I make it for myself, for you, and for all of us.
I wish people were happy.
I wish people were themselves.
I wish people were more truthful and honest to themselves and others.
I wish people were healthier.
I wish people were more responsible.
I wish people had the power to handle any life obstacle that is in their way.
I wish people had someone by their side to support them.
I wish people loved – themselves and others.
I wish people loved animals and treated them nicely, with respect.
I wish people loved nature and treated it nicely, with respect.
I wish people had peace in their hearts.
I wish people had joy of their lives.
I wish people said more of „I love“…
I wish people felt being loved.
I wish there was more understanding among people.
I wish parents to believe more in their children.
I wish parents trusted their children.
I wish parents had a stronger bond with their children.
I wish the distance was connecting people.
I wish time could heal wounds.
I wish the sun rose every day, and after sunset moonrise brought the brightest stars.
In the end I wish haters were hating less (eg. “Jesus, her blog is lame.”) and they were thinking more about themselves.
I heard that my so-called friends say I’m lame. That my blog is lame. The moment I heard it, I started laughing. Thanks! At least you talk about my blog. I like you anyway. 🙂
WARNING: Less hate, more love! 🙂
Love your haters, they’re your biggest fans. – Kanye West
I don’t dislike my haters. They dislike me. I’m doing nothing wrong, I’m just being me. – Jamie Lopez
One has the right to know where he made the mistake…
04/10/2017
Hi all,
I’ve got a test story here. I chose the photo which I think is quite handy. I’d like you to try to think about my face and think what it‘s telling you or how you feel about it. When I see the picture I see uncertainty, fear, curiosity, interest, looking back to the past.
I’m crying. It’s impossible to stop. You‘ve hurt me. Suddenly I feel like my whole world is collapsing. Funny, isn’t it? How one man’s action can destroy your hope, take the optimism from you and especially take your self-confidence. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t get it. It has happened so fast. I’m trying to understand you. Why did you do that? Were you scared? Did you feel threatened, with your back to the wall, humiliated? Probably yes… I’m writing you an apology SMS and I hope for the answer… I hypnotize my phone, nothing’s happening. Not even a beep.
They all told me how bad you are. Mean. Rude. Disrespectful. And what about me? It was like I wasn’t listenting and in my head I only visualized the beautiful moments. The ugly ones just weren’t there. Suddenly I didn’t want to slap you nor tell you off for what you’ve done to me. I understood you. You were hurt too. I wanted to hug you and comfort you. I thougt it’s gonna be okay, it will get better… but you weren’t here…
Finally, after a week on Neurol, I began to understand that I must continue my journey, my life. So I started to go out with friends, trying not to think about you, keep my head and heart busy. I was having fun, really. After two weeks, it was getting better and I felt that I was going to be happy. I‘ve learned more about myself and about my best friend, my soul mate, my mirror, and it seemed I was happy. After a long I was optimistic, kind, smiling at people on the street again, like sunshine.
In spite of how happy I was, every time I saw a car reminding me of you I almost stopped breathing. Every time I heard Nickelback it reminded me of you… Oops. Something went wrong.
It has been weeks since the last time I wrote you. You haven‘t answered. Well, I have a few lines for you…
I just wish you‘d get your ass up, come to me and just get it off your chest. Not for the sake of getting back together, it can’t be, but for the sake of saving some pieces of our relationship – both mine and yours. The relationship wasn’t all bad and fake, it wasn’t superficial, it wasn’t a pose. It was worth it! It was worth the effort, time, willingness, money, nerves… I just hate when somebody throws months or years of relationship away just like that. One has the right to know where he made the mistake…
Why to complicate things?
Do you miss someone? Call him.
Do you want to see someone? Invite him.
Do you want them to understand you? Explain.
Do you have any questions? Ask.
Don’t you like something? Say it.
Do you like something? Say it.
Do you want something? Ask for it.
You love someone? Say it.